Saturday, April 21, 2007

Dollywood

I woke up in the Cherokee National forest in Tennesee and after a stop at the Sequoia museum where I learned that Sequoia was an ignorant, illiterate redskin until he invented a written alphabet to record the Cherokee language, (no really, they called him illiterate, which is funny since before him, no written form of any indigenous American language existed.) I headed straight to Dollywood. If I had known that Dollywood is just an overpriced theme park I would have skipped it. The town nearby which is really just a strip of tourist shops and restaurants was so overwhelming that I forget to take a picture. When I found out that parking alone for Dollywood was $7, I told them that I was actually just there to pick up their grease and someone in the kitchen had told me that I could just park near the gate. That worked and when I found out the entry cost $47 I decided to just go to the gift shop and buy a keychain, which I actually needed. The gift shop was full of useless crap that wasn't even necessarily Dolly themed. There were plenty of keychains but I couldn't bring myself to buy a cheap, plastic, made in China souvenir even if it was a guitar that said Dollywood. There was even a vast array of Dollywood foods, like salad dressing made in New Jersey and jam made in Ohio. It couldn't have been sadder.

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